Scenes Of Summer.

An all-American family gets caught up in World Cup Fever.

These Incredible Archives.

"Behind the scenes Gibson is renowned for his practical jokes. While filming the forthcoming Lethal Weapon 3, he would occasionally deliver his lines in an exaggerated black dialect - think Amos 'N' Andy - that had co-star Danny Glover practically screaming with laughter.

 On another occasion, he snuck into Glover's trailer while the actor was away. While there, he methodically emptied the fridge, replacing the yogurt and tofu the health-conscious thespian had requested, with watermelon, fried chicken and cases of Colt .45 malt liquor - a beverage often marketed to people of color.

"It's just his twisted sense of humor," says a friend. "He'd no sooner hit a woman than do anything to lose the respect of his African-American colleagues."

"Mel of the People" - These Incredible Times, October 1991

Perspectives: The Gulf Disaster.

There have been many victims of the ongoing British Petroleum oil spill. Among the most prominent: people who work in and around the Gulf region.

To assess the impact the disaster has had on their lives and livelihood, we convened this roundtable.

THE EDITOR: We know this has been a tough time for you.  So I'd like to thank you in advance for agreeing to speak with us via iPhone's Interview Economic Victims of the BP Catastrophe app.

I want to start with you - Ronnie Hedgewood. Tell us your story.

RONNIE HEDGEWOOD: Well, I'm a commercial fisherman. So this thing has been nothing but bad for me. I don't know how these corporations think they can just come in here and screw things up for people like me, and not have to pay a penalty. It's outrageous. If you ask me, these BP oil heads should be in jail.

THE EDITOR: Well, that's a perspective many share.

What about you, Derek Bridges? What has the spill done to your business?

DEREK BRIDGES: Well, you could say it's taken away my whole reason for being.

THE EDITOR: That's tragic. What is it you do?

DEREK BRIDGES: I'm a duck-oiler.

THE EDITOR: A duck-oiler?

DEREK BRIDGES: Yes, someone comes to me, they want gasoline poured on a duck, I do it for them - no questions asked. Now, with the spill, who needs me, huh? I might as well just disappear.

THE EDITOR: That's interesting. And is this a lucrative occupation?

DEREK BRIDGES: It pays the rent.

THE EDITOR: Do ever get complaints?

DEREK BRIDGES: No, I'm very good at what I do.

THE EDITOR: I mean from animal lovers.

DEREK BRIDGES: Well, that's one positive here - I get a lot less of these Greenpeace types complaining about me with BP in the docket. But still, I feel like I've been big-footed. Who looks out of the Derek Bridges of the world?

THE EDITOR: Very good question.

Moving along ... "Roger Petrie" - that's not your real name. You're also wearing a suit and dark glasses, and this not being filmed - why the secrecy? Does your job put you in contact with BP, and do you perhaps fear speaking out against them?

"ROGER PETRIE": No, not really. But my work does require a great deal of discretion.

THE EDITOR: That work being ...?

"ROGER PETRIE": I'm a whale-assassin.

THE EDITOR: I see. But why?

"ROGER PETRIE": Well, it's our belief that whales - like their cousin the dolphin - have an intellectual capacity that may rival or surpass Homo sapiens. My job is to take them out of the game before we all end up worthless peasant rubble at the flippered feet of their blubbery aristocracy.

THE EDITOR: I see. And I suppose there is, as with the duck-oiling, less of a need for you now?

"ROGER PETRIE": Yes, absolutely. I've called some of my past clients and they won't even pick up the phone. And it's been just as bad for my brother, who is a seal hitman.

THE EDITOR: Interesting that the ramifications of this cut across entire families.

Now our last individual is ... well, tell us about yourself.

ULYSSES: I'm twenty-eight-years old, I live in the Bayou and I'm a merman.

THE EDITOR: A merman - that is, a male mermaid?

ULYSSES: Uh no ... just a merman. No qualification necessary.

THE EDITOR: But aren't you mythological?

ULYSSES: Well, I will be if they don't get a handle on this spill. It's ruined my whole summer.

THE EDITOR: And what is it you do as a merman?

ULYSSES: I'm an exotic dancer.

THE EDITOR: Uh huh. At gay clubs?

ULYSSES: It's just a job.

THE EDITOR: Well, how has that affected your career though? I would think there would be some sympathy for you as a half-man, half-fish.

ULYSSES: Well, sympathy does not work in the clubs. People see me as a figure of pity. When I'm dancing onstage, people just kind of shudder and scurry out the room.

I tell you, things have gotten so bad I've actually had to take a second job.

THE EDITOR: Doing what?

ULYSSES: I'm a shrimp-blaster. I hide dynamite under shrimp. And that is not working out either.

THE EDITOR:  Sorry to hear that.

Well, thank you all for talking to us. I feel that you've really put a human - and merman - face on this tragedy. Perhaps next time we can talk on Chat Roulette?

Crazy From The Heat.

It's not just the title of David Lee Roth's most successful solo venture - $3.96 on iTunes - it's a legitimate mental state.

Everywhere we look this summer we see signs that summer itself is causing people to act in mysterious and irrational ways.

Why would the friendly state of Arizona close its border to affordable lawn care? What's up with those Russian spies? (We knew there were some suspicious types in our Betty White Facebook group.) Why would the Vatican endorse The Blues Brothers when we know they have a secret yen for Tommy Boy? What but a 100-degree brain-boiling could make a Hollywood liberal like Mel Gibson suddenly turn bigot? Lastly, why is Tony Hayward still running BP's clean-up operation? Shouldn't he be using that cheeky English charm to make soccer-mom hearts race in a romantic fish-out-of-water comedy? (Four Drillings And A Fire? It's Contaminated? Title needs work.)

There can be only one culprit for all this madness:

The Sun - heating things up and making a spectacle of itself all over again.

Yes, the Sun. Bright, well-traveled, unquestionably a star, central to the lives of millions yet oddly aloof - it's the Barack Obama of the sky. Add the reeking excretions both provoke from Rush Limbaugh, and the comparison's nailed.

We're surprised the Sun hasn't faced its own Tea Party movement. Imagine millions of the freckled righteous dumping their tea-bags in the ocean to protest the Sun's redistributionist scheme to spreads its rays to those in need of greater coverage.

Picture the placards ("Not In My Solar System!"; "UV Lyin'!"); the nicknames on Internet discussion forums ("Sun-Of-A-Bitch"); the "body count" of political enemies condemned to their demise by the Big Yellow Socialist who rises in the East, just like every other Ivy League snob.

As fair-skinned non-partisans, we have our own issues with the Sun, but let's remember that the Moon is full of holes and the clouds are for pie-in-the-sky dreamers.

The Editor

Saturday Matinee: Please Stay Tuned.

Reprisal of the weekend feature known as Saturday Matinee has been postponed until this site has enough regular readers to enjoy it.

Tooning Out?

Overworked Tribute Cartoonists Threaten Strike.

Next in This Incredible Labor.

China On Palin.

Sarah Palin has just returned from a visit to Hong Kong, where she delivered a speech on America's relationship with China. We at These Incredible Times were curious how the spunky former Alaska guv - not always a press favorite in the West - is perceived by the state-dominated Chinese media. Fortuitously, we found this recent Palin backgrounder from China's leading newspaper, the People's Daily.

There's more than the usual curiosity about Sarah Palin's upcoming visit to Hong Kong SAR. For those who do not follow US politics closely, Ms. Palin was the concubine of longtime senator John McCain. After bearing the aged war veteran five heirs, he asked her to share his platform in 2008. Ms. Palin graciously accepted.

At first American hearts were gladdened by the arrangement. Though her experience was limited to two years as Alaska governess, Ms. Palin's stories of slaying wild wolves to feed her children indicated she had the grit Americans expect from their leaders. She also showcased her charm with her delightful comedic turns on the situation comedy "Thirty Rocks." Then it all began to go sour.

First, her eldest daughter had sex with the school hockey team. Naturally, pregnancy resulted. Uncertain of the father, an embarrassed McCain/Palin were forced to campaign with the entire squad of young athletes in tow - escalating travel expenses. Then, Palin gave a televised interview in which she stated that her vision was so grand, she could see Russia from her back porch. Unfortunately for both McCain and Palin, this poetic aphorism - almost worthy of Mao himself - was taken by literal-minded Americans as proof of the young Alaskan's unsophistication.

The final straw came when Ms. Palin winked at a TV camera-man while debating her Democratic (sic) rival Joseph Biden. This was taken by voters as the ultimate evidence of the elderly McCain's flaccidity. He subsequently lost to President Obama in a landslide so great, it left him unable to raise his arms above his head.

Since the election, it has been even worse for the unfortunate Palin.

First, McCain cut off her clothing allowance, then he disowned her. Next, she was forced out of her job as Alaska governess for reasons unclear to either Palin or her detractors. Isolated and alone in the cold wilderness of her native land, the once-glamorous candidate now claims to speak to a book of faces. To Palin, these faces represent a "support network" that will help her escape to a better home in 2012. And then there is the painted bird of companionship which she calls "Tweeter."



Ms. Palin professes that this bird carries messages back and forth to her followers, and that these exchanges will keep her plight visible to the American public.

Clearly, a woman once crowned for her beauty and desired for her mothering skills has been driven mad by her involvement in US democracy. In any other country, this fading flower would be cared for in a public sanitarium. Instead, she has been issued a passport and presented as the centerpiece in an international sideshow.

Yes, it is sad what the American political system does to its victims. We hope the compassionate people of Hong Kong will grant this latest casualty the pity she clearly warrants.