Health Care: Fracas Over Baucus.

On Wednesday, Senate Finance Chair Max Baucus presented his long-awaited health care reform bill. While the powerful centrist Democrat drafted his plan with the idea of attracting bipartisan support, it's received little favor from either side thus far. Let TIW, our correspondent in Washington, explain why.



What do people object to about the Baucus plan? It's a classic case of "devil's in the details." Both sides have a nit to pick: Republicans dislike the mandates; Democrats say its financing puts an undue burden on workers.

But the part of the bill that both sides dislike is this:

The Max Baucus health care plan would only provide health care for Senator Max Baucus.



Hard to believe, but true. Let me quote the intro:

"In these hard times, Americans are more concerned than ever about Max Baucus' health care. As a 67-year-old man who eats at a lot of Italian restaurants, Max Baucus is in constant medical danger. Furthermore, what about those unexpected events that could strike Max when he least expects it? What if Max is in an accident? What if Max is attacked by a whale or poisoned by a disgruntled aide? What if Max develops ringworm, swine flu or herpes? What if his wife finds out about the herpes? For all these reasons, it is paramount that Congress take important steps this year to guarantee Max Baucus a health-care plan that is affordable, comprehensive and permanent."

Above and beyond the fact that Baucus, like most members of Congress, already has health insurance, many find it tacky that the six-term Montana lawmaker would utilize his large staff - and the Congressional Printing Office - to document each of his "owwie" spots. And there are other parts equally offensive to liberals in and outside Congress.

Clean-government groups have long noted Baucus's ties to the drug industry. Sure enough, there's over $37 billion in incentives directed toward a pharmaceutical company that manufactures a pill called "Just For Max." No one really knows what it does; it is known that one of the very few doctors allowed to legally administer it in the US was a technical adviser on Benjamin Buttons.

And that's not even the most controversial part of the bill; that would be the feature called "private option."

What is "private option"? Well, this is a family blog, so I can't go into too much detail. I'll just quote a little more (from the section labeled "Quality of Life"):

"Though Sen. Baucus's anatomy is more than adequate, and, in fact, quite sizable compared to other members of Congress, he would like to keep open the option of future enhancement surgery. As the de-aging process accelerates, he will once again reach his sexual peak. Thus it is essential that he have the very best, in terms of both volume and length, that today's medicine can provide."

As the senator himself might soon put it, "TMI." Incidentally, this part of the proposal would be paid for by a surtax on actor Ron Jeremy.

Pouring over the PDFs, as we have since Wednesday, it's easy to conclude that Max Baucus didn't take his role in the legislative process very seriously. In fact, the Baucus plan may be the biggest misuse of congressional authority since ex-senator Larry Craig (R-ID) earmarked $3 billion in federal highway money for Mario Lopez. It will be up to the rest of the Senate to determine where the process goes from here.